PREFACE
Life can get really interesting really fast if you’re averse to taking a chance on it.
In June I had 24 hours to decide whether to spend my last semester abroad in Japan or grind through another semester at home. I’ve already overloaded my schedule to graduate early, and the program required more credits than I thought I could manage.
I wrote to the professor leading the program about my situation, expecting a polite “no.”
Instead he replied, “Don’t worry about it, this is what I live for :)”
Within days we reworked my schedule to allow me to graduate. I booked my flight and three months later I was living in Kyoto, and my life changed forever.
PRELUDE
Let me take you back to the start of 2025. My goal was to graduate a semester early, and that meant cramming all of my classes of four semesters into essentially two. Six classes in the Spring and two classes in the Summer while also doing a full-time internship. My Fall was easier,
Spring rolled around and I was ready. I woke up at 5am, started work at 7am, and finished at around 5-6pm. I was disciplined and focused solely on my academics. It was challenging, but I held on and had one of the best semesters I’ve ever had in university.
My Summer semester was a whole different beast. I worked 40 hours a week during my internship and about 30 hours a week split between two accelerated math classes. I was about one more Jira ticket or moved assignment deadline away from completely crashing out. It was rough and I was really worried about failing a class and having to take another semester.
Then I get a message. I forgot that at the end of the Spring semester, I sent a message to one of my professors, who happened to be the coordinator for the study abroad in Japan, asking about study abroad opportunities outside of the university or in grad school. His reply was late, but it was perfect timing.
We messaged back and forth and I explained my situation. The program required that I took certain classes in order to go on the trip. Unfortunately, several courses I needed for my degree weren’t offered through the program.
In my eyes, it was over. I would’ve had to take 7-8 classes and spend extra money to graduate. That meant being stressed and spread thin. I was crushed…
And then my professor said, “Don’t worry about it, this is what I live for :)”
We spoke to all the professors from classes I needed and made a hybrid schedule to suit my needs. I was even given a small scholarship to pay for some overcharge credits. I was given the green light!
So now it was up to me. All I had to do now was send in my application. By this time, the application was due the next day. Everything was lined up and I could pay for the entire trip in full if I worked overtime during my internship.
I was debating whether or not I’d take this leap and experience something new, or remain locked in my college apartment to finish out my degree.
It might seem like a no brainer, but it was really daunting. It would be my first time out of the country, and halfway across the world! This was going to be a really big life change. I almost talked myself out of it because it would be expensive, but the voice in my head telling me I’d never get this experience again, studying abroad in university, spoke to me too loudly.
So I took the leap and didn’t look back.
I sent in my application and was accepted. I would miss my graduation walk, but who cares?
It was the exact kind of fire I needed at the time. I passed my Summer classes, started learning Japanese, and worked all the overtime I could. My workload went up, but I was motivated because I knew that a new life experience was right around the corner, waiting for me in Japan.
So, how was the trip?
MY EXPERIENCE
Life changing.
For three months, I lived in Kyoto, the cultural capital of Japan. Even though Tokyo is the official capital of Japan, most Japanese people still believe Kyoto to be the true capital because of its cultural significance and its previous official title of being the capital. There are over 2000 different shrines and temples in Kyoto alone, making it a super popular city for tourism.
I attended Kyoto University, one of the best universities in Japan, known for its research and high number of Nobel laureates. While attending, I was able to take classes in beginner Japanese and high level engineering classes to finish out my degree.
I was with a cohort of about 30 other students from my university, so I had a bubble of new, English-speaking friends!
From September to December, I traveled all over the country. I went to 9 different cities, with the southernmost being Osaka and the northernmost being Sendai.
I remember going to Fushimi Inari, one of the busiest shrines in Japan, at 4am to hike the thousand tori gates completely undisturbed. It was only a few locals, the shrine maintainers, and the stray cats that frequented the shrine. It was beautiful and peaceful.
So I did all of the tourist attractions, but I also had plenty of time to travel the unbeaten path. I went to cities most tourists would never go to, visited shrines most tourists skip, saw scenes few capture, and met people I wouldn’t otherwise have met.
It was remarkable seeing a 5 year old take the public bus to school or people leaving lost wallets full of money right where they were. There is this societal, cultural harmony and trust in Japan that is absolutely beautiful.
One unique thing that stood out to me is that Japanese people think as if a part of a group, for the betterment of Japan as a whole. Americans tend to think more individually, and speak in terms of “I’s” instead of “We’s”. It’s hard to describe, and is honestly something you need to experience yourself to understand.
And everything you see on social media? 10x better in real life. Delicious food, clean streets, reliable public transit, tranquil beauty, and most importantly, kind people.
I still remember my first meal in Japan- a 990 yen (about $7 USD) fresh bowl of rich miso ramen near the university. It was amazing.
But the bad parts of Japan you see on social media are also just as real. It was hard to acclimate to the country at first, but once the euphoria wore off, normalcy set in and I began to see the country for what it truly was.
The heartbeat that is the life of Japan and makes it feel alive is also the one that is slowly killing it.
Work culture is challenging and real. Most salarymen start their days early at 7am and end at 7pm, and even then, their day hasn’t truly ended. After work, going out to restaurants and izakayas with your coworkers or clients is common. People hardly sleep.
The country gives in to its vices publicly. Drinking and smoking is a daily activity. This is something I experienced firsthand, and my body couldn’t keep up.
Prostitution is essentially legal. Hostess bars and call girls are everywhere and lewd content is normalized, with ads being in every bus station and magazines in every convenience store.
Gambling is extremely common with Pachinko parlors at every city block. One time, I was walking down the street, when I saw a man break down crying in front of a parlor after he lost 200,000 yen, equivalent to about $1200 USD.
Arcades disguised as fun for children are just casinos with a younger audience. I saw children that couldn’t have been older than 8 years old unattended, playing horse racing games. It’s as if these arcades were daycares for children to spend their parents’ money on.
So as amazing as Japan is, there are still some dark corners to the bright lights and natural beauty of the country. Even with these issues, I still fell in love with the country and its people. I plan to go back sooner rather than later, and maybe even live there one day.
Japan gave me new experiences, memories, friends, and the budding of an identity that I’m proud of.
IDENTITY
It’s a meme to say that someone is going through a quarter-life crisis if they go to Japan, and to be honest, that’s exactly what I went through…
I knew that at the end of my trip I would be graduating college and starting a new job in my hometown, entering a completely new phase of my life. I was also asking questions about the current relationship I was in with my girlfriend of nine years, which added to the questioning of my identity.
Japan became the perfect place to reflect on that, separating me from my old identity and giving me full autonomy to build something I could call my own. Something chosen.
I felt for years that being in the same state/hometown, hanging out with the same people, and running through the same routines was me, but something felt off. It all felt fabricated. It never felt like I claimed that life and declared it as my own.
Part of that was because of my willingness and comfort to live in my hometown, because my girlfriend at the time was still living there and we did long distance for five years. Part of it goes deeper, to where most of the choices you have up until you leave college or move out are mostly not your own, but your parents’ decisions and what they thought was best for you. That was my experience at least.
When I moved to Japan, everything changed. Everything felt lighter. The weights of circumstance, responsibilities, opinions, and what my identity was molded into, consciously and unconsciously, was suddenly unshackled, and I was left in a void, floating.
This void wasn’t scary in the traditional sense, but was something that I’ve embodied but never internalized and lived for truly with one word sitting at the center of it, like it was my whole universe-
Freedom.
With it being my first time out of the US, and really living somewhere that wasn’t within my state, I had the chance to build something that nobody had claim or control over. Something I could authentically call mine.
An identity that belonged to me. Something that was fulfilling to me.
I’ve spent a majority of my life listening to others and compromised on what I truly wanted because I listened to others’ opinions rather than my own voice.
This is not a character flaw of these people, but a personal fault for listening.
People who truly love you really do think in terms of the best, and people who are malicious and selfish will do so to keep you where you are.
Regardless of if they love you or not, the results are still the same. Listening to them dilutes your voice and actions to reduce breaches in their own reality, and you will eventually become someone you don’t even recognize.
So I started listening to what my body and mind was telling me for years, and started living the life that I felt belonged to me best.
CONCLUSION
So basically, I had and am having a full-blown identity crisis.
I’m back home now, trying to figure it out before I start work in March. I’m single again and know that I’ll be living in my hometown for at least a year, for better or for worse.
My mind is in limbo on choosing my identity, going back and forth between my past life built before going abroad, and the new life I’ve stepped into from when I landed in Japan. Living in a new country for three months has completely altered the way I see my life trajectory and growth.
There are days when life feels unbearable, and I search for comfort in my past life and feel deep regret of my decisions. All I know is that I can never go back to a life and identity that wasn’t growing me.
I know it isn’t going to take a day for me to find clarity, and it will take a long time before I find my footing again, but I’m thankful for the growth that has come from this and the growth that’s coming.
Sometimes you’re going to have to phase people out or completely leave them behind. Sometimes they’ll leave on their own accord. Regardless, If they’re meant to be in your life, you will meet them again.
Life will always come at you with challenges. I know in the future there will be times where my identity is questioned once again, whether through a big move, a new job, death, or any other large life event.
And no matter what, despite it all, I’ll be focusing on myself, my identity, and the pursuit of my goals and ambitions.
I hope you do the same.
Thanks for reading :)
